Twitterverse `Funnies` from Last Night

Dennis Miller @DennisDMZ
The night janitor at Big Ben doesn’t clean a clock as well as Romney does.

S.E. Cupp @secupp
Romney:”I’ve got 5 boys. I’m used to people saying the same thing over and over again hoping it becomes true.”

Andy Levy:
I feel like Lehrer is about 15 minutes from turning into Michael Douglas in “Falling Down”

Dennis Miller @DennisDMZ
Obama better hope a Kicked Ass is covered under Obamacare.

David Burge @iowahawkblog (5-Tweets combined)
23 minutes to go. At this point Romney can probably get a Jimmy John’s, and feed it to Ann’s dressage horse while kicking a dog. I heard about something like this that happened between Sonny Barger and a mouthy guy from the Mongols in Oakland in ’65. Not pretty. Next debate, Romney should have Biden sub for him, then just sit in a folding chair next to the podium smoking a cig and filing his nails. In fact, Romney should walk past Obama in a bathobe & Speedo, grab a cup of coffee, walk back to a Laz-Z-boy and watch Cartoon Network. Then, Romney should shave, splash on some Old Spice, and do some benchpresses. 130, 140, nothing big. 10 to 15 reps.

Dennis Miller @DennisDMZ
Obama keeps looking down at his belt buckle teleprompter.

Dennis Miller @DennisDMZ
Obama is now looking for Ferdie Pacheco. “He’s a bleeder…He’s a bleeder!”

David Burge @iowahawkblog
“Hi, Jay-Z? Next president here. R-Money. How much for that 18 foot tower of champagne? I’ll be needing it.” Romney, on big 80’s cell phone

David Burge @iowahawkblog
If I were Romney, I would put on a top hat ‘n’ monocle, call a Swiss bank, then thwack a street urchin with my diamond tip swagger stick.

Jonah Goldberg:
Congratulations MSM, your failure to ask the president hard questions for 4 years has left him soft and unprepared. #irony

Tammy Bruce:
OMG Mittens is reminding me of Reagan!!!

Dennis Miller @DennisDMZ
Arthur Conan Doyle’s Lestrade had more of a clue than Obama.

David Burge @iowahawkblog
Breaking: Choom Gang revokes Obama’s membership

Dennis Miller Show @DennisDMZ
Remember when Obama said keep your tires inflated? NOTE TO OBAMA CAMP, KEEP OBAMA INFLATED!

DanRiehl @DanRiehl
Oof. Mr. President, you’re entitled to your own airplane and house but not your own facts

Ramesh Ponnuru @RameshPonnuru
Now Obama’s butchering his own campaign’s out-of-context attacks on Romney. (The borrow-from-parents bit.)

GregGutfeld @greggutfeld
Jimmy Carter is watching this, going, “man, he’s like Jimmy Carter!”

Dennis Miller Show @DennisDMZ
Obama is being owned, refinanced and owned again!

GregGutfeld @greggutfeld
Obama cant look at Romney. Shame. He might learn something.

David Burge @iowahawkblog
Somewhere, a 2nd-tier Midwestern cow college is missing an Assistant Vice Provost for Diversity and Inclusion.

GregGutfeld @greggutfeld
does someone have Dr. Drew’s number? Somewhere Ben Afflect and Matt Damon are crumbling.

GregGutfeld @greggutfeld
Obama, spoiled by those fearful of hurting his feelings, have left him in the desert.

Dennis Miller Show @DennisDMZ
Shows over, folks, nothing to see here, shows over.

Bill Maher @billmaher
Obama made a lot of great points tonight. Unfortunately, most of them were for Romney

Tammy Bruce @HeyTammyBruce
Obama’s closing statement sounds like its taken from a mix of those magnetic words on the fridge.

Dennis Miller Show @DennisDMZ
Obama says “and, and, and” just like Dustin Hoffman coming down the stairs at the end of “Tootsie”. He’s making it up and it’s not working.

David Burge @iowahawkblog
It was a racist coin. MT @normas @iowahawkblog Obama even lost the damn coin toss.

Mark Hemingway @Heminator
That wasn’t a debate so much as Mitt Romney just took Obama for a cross country drive strapped to the roof of his car.

David Burge @iowahawkblog
Poor guy, couldn’t get it up on his anniversary.

Dennis Miller Show @DennisDMZ
Imagine having Joe Biden as a firewall.

Hugh Hewitt @hughhewitt
Somebody get @davidaxelrod some smelling salts.

David Burge @iowahawkblog
Remember when they found out about Milli Vanilli? Yeaahhp. Pretty much that.

GregGutfeld @greggutfeld
watching MSNBC discuss the debate is like watching the Titanic discuss the iceberg.

Kurt Schlichter @KurtSchlichter
Obama may look constipated, but after that hollowing out, Obama isn’t never going to have a problem with being constipated again.

Erick Erickson @EWErickson
Note that Stephanie Cutter is on TV now using, word for word, talking points she sent out at 9AM!!!

RJ Moeller @rjmoeller
Tonight was so bad for the president, we’re getting word he just inked a deal to write two books about it #DebatePrepFromMyFather

Chelsea Grunwald @chelseagrunwald
President Obama just had the 2008 Detroit Lions of debate performances

toddstarnes @toddstarnes
Lehrer — that’s what happens when you hire a government employee to moderate a debate. PBS

Erick Erickson @EWErickson
Who knew Romney’s October surprise would be mopping the floor in Denver with the President.

Sister Toldjah @sistertoldjah
Wow Obama did a great job lowering expectations for the second debate

Film Ladd @FilmLadd
Narcissistic personalities never do well when confronted by opposing viewpoints.

S.E. Cupp @secupp
Obama’s performance was so bad, I’m starting to think it must be some kind of strategy.

Tammy Bruce @HeyTammyBruce
Bwahaha!! RT @SemperBanU: I think Obama should bow to Mitt.

David Burge @iowahawkblog
In my specially selected focus group, 100% of swing voters said, “holy crap, that guy is the president of United States?”

Ron Futrell @RonFutrell
An empty chair would’ve done a better job tonight.

Michael MooreVerified @MMFlint
This is what happens when u pick John Kerry as your debate coach.

Soozy @Soozy
LMAO #debates AP just reported Obama was rushed to the hospital after debate where surgeons are working desperately to reattach his #ego.

Jon Gabriel @ExJon
Expected spin: “Obama didn’t lose this debate to Romney, he just lead from behind.”

Derek Hunter @derekahunter
Not sure who thought John Kerry would be good at debate prep for Obama. He’s not like Romney at all. Romney made his money, Kerry married it

Bette Midler @BetteMidler

Luke Gunderson @LukeGundy
Obama was almost as unprepared for that debate as he was to be President.

David Burge @iowahawkblog
“Good thing the next debate is on foreign policy! Oh.” – Obama HQ

Erick Erickson @EWErickson
Democrats tonight understand what Republicans have been saying all year about the polling.

John Hayward @Doc_0
Biden retires to his favorite imaginary restaurant to prepare for his debate with Ryan.

Conservative Quotes @ConservativeQuo
@noltenc Romney not only destroyed Obama, he destroyed the MSM’s caricature of him. Much more important.

Bill Maher @billmaher
that president Obama sure is smart, but i’m not sure if i’m gonna take his class next semester

John Nolte @NolteNC
Like he did for his book, Obama should have Bill Ayers stand in for him with this next debate.

mike murphy @murphymike
Here in liberal Santa Monica. Liberals here so mad they may take to the streets and try to set a Prius on fire…

David Burge @iowahawkblog
“Romney was too vague. He needed to give more details, like the President’s two point Hope-Change program.”

John Groves @jfgroves
@jtLOL @secupp Watching Matthews reaction sent a tingle up *my* leg

Chuck Woolery @chuckwoolery
News flash, Biden has just entered the witness protection program.

Deetz @tahDeetz
RT @Smalltalkwitht: RT @Jmason12: BREAKING: Barack #Obama signs Executive Order canceling next two presidential debates.

Perhaps Obama would’ve won the debate if he ended it walking thru crowd with a bucket of birth control pills


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